Nothing Rhymes with Marko Perovic (An article by Jim Shorts)
Well as most of you have probably heard Marko Perovic and Ilija Stolica will not be returning to the Revs. Although the Revolution today sent out a very broad press release, we at Football Fall River uncovered the reasons behind the reason to dump arguably the Rev’s best player and that bald white guy who isn’t Matt Reis.
–Fortgate 2011. There has recently been a falling out between the Rev’s front office and fans. Because of this it has caused millions of Revolution fans as well as other supporters throughout the USA to show their hate for the Rev’s front office and support the fort. Now from inside information we at F2R heard that Marky Marko heard about this and very much disapproved that the organization was trying to silence their fans. This next part is a little blurry but we understand that Marko set up a meeting with Robert Kraft (owner of the Revolution) to tell him that he could not sit by as the team was being destroyed. It was at this point that Robert Kraft asked him who he was and what the Revolution were. One source tells us that Perovic took a swing at Robert Kraft forcing Kraft to call the deportation department. Another source tells us that when Robert Kraft found out about a soccer team being run out of his Gillette stadium he immediately started firing those who did not make the league minimum. Whatever the real story is we can tell you that it 100 percent had to do with Fortgate.
-Turf. We spoke directly to those affiliated with Marko who told us that he could not run on turf anymore. For those of us who have ever torn their ACL or any other muscle in their leg. You know that turf is the devil. Marko knows that he still has his best years ahead and with football players retiring in their early or mid thirties Marko cannot risk cutting his career short. I personally called Mr. Kraft to ask him if he would consider the possibility installing real grass. At which point he responded with “unless Tom Brady breaks his knees I do not see that happening. Even if he does I will just pay for new knees.”
-Nothing rhymes with Marko Perovic. When Marko came to the Rev’s he was promised he would be a fan favorite and that there would be songs about him. What the FO failed to realize is that nothing rhymed with Marko Perovic. For the first season Marko was ok with the fact that that there were no songs about him because hardly any other player had a song. Then came the 2011 season… enter Psycho Rajko, Benny Blue Eyes, Team America (Ryan Cochrane and A.J. Soares), and Ryan He’s My Guy. Marko just couldn’t take it anymore. There were too many cool nick names out there and he wasnt apart of it. Sure he had the You got Serb’d but what good did that do when Ilija got loaned out? Sometimes the Fort chanted MARKO…PEROVIC but even he knew that was all he would ever get. And now no more Marko.
-Benny Feilhaber. Lets face it Benny is just too attractive which made Marko (last seasons sexiest Rev’s player) upset. Marko couldnt deal with being number 2 and now he is gone along with his personal igor Ilija Stolica.
-Done with Blue Jeans. What is more European than designer jeans? the answer is a pretty tough one to answer. Here at F2R we have found out that one of the main reasons Marko came over to the USA from war torn Serbia was because of the availability of designer jeans. Since 2010 Marko has purchased a total of 548 pairs of Jeans ranging from True Religion to Buffalo. One True Religion worker who is also a Revolution fan told us that Marko would buy the jeans on sale and ship them back to his home country where they are also used as a form of currency. See picture of Marko with designer jeans below.
Of course there is always a bright side to losing Marko and Ilija. With the money saved the Rev’s can now buy 34 more Zak Boggs, 2 more Ousmane Dabo’s, or 1 more Benny Feilhaber. Who knows maybe this is the turning point for the Revolution organization… maybe they will finally get their act together.
One thing is for certain the Rev’s will miss the creativity and awareness of Marko Perovic. Ilija Stolica not so much but I guess he was pretty cool sometimes.
Of course we will follow up with any new details as well as possible transfers to the Revolution.
-For the Locker room I’m Jim Shorts