Transfer Facts 7/1

New England Revolution Monthly Transfer Facts:

By Zachary Cloggs

It’s always a nerve-racking moment in somebodies career when they’re asked to write for such a respected and often read journalistic organization such as Football Fall River.  Would I be able to present factual and topical information at a level expected by the readers? Would I provide them with worthy information?  These are just a few of the questions daunting me into my first foray here.  So to lighten the mood, I figured I would start by telling you the viewer, a little about myself to lighten the mood, at least from my end.  My hobbies include jumping long lengths, through ropes, under ropes, over ropes.  Anything involving ropes.  I practice Tai-kown-chi.  A little known mixture of karate, tae-kwon-do, and Tae Bo (created by the great one, Billy Banks).  By far, the most consuming hobby I have is the collection of pebbles.   My fans would be proud to know that I am a 10 time National Pebble collecting champion.  And so, getting all of this out of the way, I feel compelled to give my New England Revolution Transfer Facts of the Month:

Transfers In:

Cesc Fabregas

My surprising first transfer fact this month undoubtedly starts with Cesc and a bang.  Few may see this coming, and with the posturing put forward by Barcelona reportedly interested, as well as Fabregas himself claiming a return to Barcelona in the near future, I believe few expected the Revolution to get ahead in this deal.  The reports out of the Revolution camp, coming as high up as Mr. Kraft himself, have always reiterated the clubs desire to fill in the Designated Player slot that the Revolution have held onto for years.  Tired of the Patriots and Bill Belichick not winning any Super Bowls in half a decade, Bob Kraft has finally found fit to invest heavily in the Revolution, and add some more creativity to the midfield.  When asked for a quote, Revolution Director of Communication simply stated, “Communication is key here at the Revs organization.  We communicated our interest in Fabregas (pronounced Fab-gas by the quoted) to the player himself and are waiting for a response.”

Something Benny “blue eyes” Feilhaber must certainly be excited to be hearing.

Dwayne De Rosario

In a surprising twist, we see De Rosario traded to the Revolution only 4 days after a trade to D.C. United! When asked to comment on the trade, De Rosario quoted us this wonderful gem:

“My goal here at the Revolution is to simply provide an attacking force for the team.  I also expect to become the highest paid player for the organization, paid commensurately to the future wages of Fabregas and Beckham.  I feel my track record; both in the M.L.S. and with the Canadian National Team speak for itself.  When the Revolution organization is willing to rework my contract, we can get things going here”

Good luck Rosario!  We know you’ll make the organization proud.

Transfers Out:

Zak Boggs

This magnificent young man has been rumored to leave the New England Revolution ever since the opening of the European transfer market.  Widely recognized as the hardest working, the biggest hustler (he tries harder than all other 21 players on the field, combined), and most consistent performer on the New England Revolution roster, it’s no surprise to us here at Football Fall River that Zak Boggs is being linked with a future transfer to Manchester United.

With reports that Sir Alex Ferguson may be looking to ship off the rumored to be unhappy Nani after the summer arrival of Ashley Young, reports suggest that Sir Alex is looking to bring in a young attacking winger/forward to compete with Ashley Young for the upcoming season.

When asked for a quote from the inside office at the New England Revolution concerning these latest rumors, we were met with this quote by the Communications Director for the organization:

“Communication is truly key.  As long as we keep communication our priority and just communicate we’ll have good communication to take this club further with our new signings.  Communication between Mr. Kraft and I, and just as long as we get communication, you know, three key lines of communication between Mr. Kraft, communication with myself, and we need to communicate with Mr. Nichols, we’ll keep communication the key here at the Revolution”

You can take that for what it’s worth ladies and gentlemen, but it may be that fan favorite Zak Boggs could be moving onto greener pastures in the near future.

Taylor Twellman

In what is a surprise move to everybody, but me, the Revolution organization has decided to discard Taylor Twellman and his hefty contract (in what is being regarded as a poor attempt by the organization to re-up on Zak Boggs’ contract in hopes this attacking dynamo decides to stay in the New England area).  With only 10 goals in seasons 2008-present, it appears the Revolution are looking towards greener pastures, and more notably, players without concussion and other assorted injury issues.  When asked to comment, Taylor Twellman gave us this wonderful quote, “ “.  Well, I’m sure he would have given us a quote if he weren’t busy promoting himself at a Celtics pre-season game.  It’s surely an unfortunate loss for the Revolution.  Never before has this organization had a striker with the deadly capacity to knock in 1/10 balls, and who’s to say we’ll ever see one again. (not named Boggs)

Stay tuned in for the next New England Revolution Transfer Facts.  This is Zachary Cloggs, until next time, and in the meantime, I’ll be collecting pebbles for my unprecedented 11 time national championship.  But regardless, I’ll always hustle it out for you, my new friends.

-Zachary Cloggs

Zachary Cloggs

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